Finance

I hate working in finance. Banking is horrid. I cried the whole way home. There is so much to understand and I don't 'get' numbers I never have. Theres too many systems and stupidly rich nasty customers and dumb procedures. I hate banking. I hate it. I literally cried the whole way home. Thank fuck its only temporary. I wonder if I will last the week. Today I wanted to just leave about 6 times. I was thrown into the deep end. It's like learning a language. I don't understand the terminology or anything. And I've had to digest so much today I've forgotten it all. I'm exhausted mentally.

I really don't mind learning new things, I'm not lazy and I am actually quite bright deep down, it's just its so hard at SC. I'm SUPPOSED to have like 3 days training but I haven't. And I don't think I will. I hate finance. I hate it. I hate fixed deposits, maturities, FX, interest, securities, 3rd party stuff, passcodes, vapid stupid women who try and train me, stupid shoes that are all slippy inside.

I hate being the new person all the time. I hate having to learn more new stuff. I hate sitting on my own at lunch time because I don't know anyone.

Maybe it'll get better this week. I really don't want to leave another temp assignment, but this is actually really hard and I find the numbers and maths so intimidating. I don't think people really grasp how difficult I find it. The women training me laughed when I didn't know how many noughts were in a million. Not that I am blaming some learning disorder, but this is just general maths and number stuff for me. It was so much work for me to even get a C at GCSE. I just can't absorb it.

The 6 systems I am suppose to know, well I met two of the today, one is pretty self explanitory, name in the name field etc, and it looks okay. The other, Globus, makes me want to cry. Its what the first one gets its info from, its just info overload for me. Theres lost of menus, 9 number references, that are called different things on this one, but are something else on the other system, but look the same. Then theres lots of more words I don't understand and no one calls a bank account an account. Its an IAA or something and people have joint assets and some other things, because no one does things easily or straight forward. Even the passwords are wierd, and its no wonder theres a Helpdesk (that I am supposed to man) cos its stupid.

I think, I'll update my CV tonight and them see how I go tomorrow and let Nicola know that its hurting my brain.