Happy New Year but is it really NEW?

Last night me and Joshua did the home booze kareoke New Year option. It was good. Although we ran out of booze at half 12. Also we missed the New Year, ironically by singing Europe's "The Final Countdown" which was dreadful. We were dreadful on everything but there you go. My cake was awesome by the way. Might make anothe one later on.

Spoke to Ria, who again, had split up with Alan. Man he choses some PRIME times to split with her, to ensure that he is well and truly in the spotlight and she doesn't stop thinking about him for a second. If New Year/Christmas isn't good enough, previous times have included her birthday, when her mum was really ill in hospital, and when she came back from Australia after going out to vist him when he was travelling for a year. Urgh. I'm sick of him breaking her into a million pieces. She's such an awesome person and really really awesome, I can't keep watching her go through this without wanting to smash his face in and kill him.

This has happened so many times now I'm sure it'll be like all the others and in a weeks time they will be back together and whatever; in their little rut. She knows that he's a git, she knows she can do much better, but she says that she can't help that she loves him. This is her life now. Staying with a man in a dead beat town, which she knows is killing her inside, because secretly I think she is afraid she'll never find anyone else. However we all know that several of my friends really fancy/admire/lust after Ria (having met her with me on several occasions, minus Alans presence she can be who she wants to be and thats FUN and CONFIDENCE and FUNNY AND STRONG) and I have known this girl since I was 11. She is not short of admirers. Yeah she might not like them back, as she is a bit blinkered by Alan (well we won't include Seth "RIIIAAAAA YOU SLAAAAG!" *don't ask*)

It breaks my heart to see this girl reduced to a jibbering wreck when he does this to her; the shouting, the fighting, the throwing things. To hear that he has said things like "You never let me do what I want" when we ALL KNOW FULL WELL she does, not just because she has to because he is a complete cock. Alan is the one that doesn't do a thing he wants. He is the typical paranoid drunk/addict who for some reason, (presumably to do with the fact that his dad left when he was young, and since then his mum has been a complete door mat to his every need) feels the need to totally control and supress Ria because he is afraid that she'll get bored of him, or try and improve herself. Immature and lazy, he kicked up a STINKER when Ria decided to finish her nursing qualifications on the job, because he felt that he wasn't getting enough attention or her need to grow made HIM realise that he was a deadbeat with no prospects. I have always said this. He put his life and soul into planning to go travelling, round the world. He saved for years, put effort into it, DID it, and then what? CAME BACK TO HARLOW. WTF. You travel the world, see all the great things in life that you wanted to do, for what? To go back to a shithole concrete town to sit on your arse again? I don't understand the Harlow mentality. You have a chance to escape and to make something better of you life, why go back there? WHY?

He fell in love with her because she was strong and confident and really really fun and I don't understand why now, he feels that he has to supress it or change it. Ria wished me Happy New Year, but its not really is it. Sometimes I think some of us are going round in circles. I was reading my old diary just now, from 2004, when Ria and I went to see Tim in Norfolk. It makes no sense to anyone but me and her, and possibly anyone who knows us quite well, but so much funny stuff happened, that I had to list it. Ahahha. We can make anything fun (well, to US) ... sometimes I have to read things like this to know that I don't spend moi loife (yes moi loife) trying to pick her up and make her happy. Sometimes I feel like a parent or one of those friends who only really hears from people when they need help or cheering up, and you know, I think Ria is the only person I would do that for. She's fucking awesome thats why.

One downside about living is Jersey is that she's so far away. It was bad enough living in Wood Green; it took me almost a year to get her to brave the bloody M25 and north circular (despite the fact she has to drive on them to work) to see me. But I think shes grown up now and will make it here haha. I just wish I could magically get to her, and wave my little wand (well, its an angel cake and a Chinglanese) and dance about to the Pointer Sisters for 10 minutes, watch some Most Haunted then some Dirty Dancing or Pride and Prejudice. BECAUSE THIS IS LITERALLY ALL IT WOULD TAKE to make her good again. I've not ever had a friend who knows me so well that knows what I am thinking and can finish my sentances, and visa versa. She's really funny and sort of tells me off like a mum and my Dad says shes part of the family.

I just want to stab that stupid fucking slacker (with his dumb Steve Tyler overbite) Alan in the face and make his just fuck off for good. Because I have seen her get overhim in a week. Well ALMOST, then he starts sniffing round and makes it impossible for her to avoid him, and then she is back with him again. Happy but miserable at the same time, because she knows that he won't change and shes resolved thats how its going to be for her. Before you wonder, I used to like Alan, BEFORE he revealed himself into being a fucking nutter. Then I told Ria that I wasn't happy, and worried for her, but I am not one of those mental friends that does the whole YOU OR ME! crap. Because I know that she needs me as much as she needs him. She says though, she can't hang around with me and him together though because he gets jealous when she starts acting like herself. (Me and Ria togather have a funny influence on each other and we sort of merge into this one brain 'talking in jokes that only we find funny but still allowing everyone else along for the ride') So for a while I stayed away, and then she realised that something had to give as she was bored him him all the time, in the pub or with his stoner no brain friends, so she hung out with me a bit too and told him to lump it.

It's so frustrating to have to watch this happen. I know shes getting her head round it slowly and eventually something will snap and she'll meet a gorgeous Doctor and they'll fall in love and she realised she's wasted so much time on him. He'll never change, he'll just keep pushing her until they are stuck with each other and she's been worn down into even more of a doormat.

SHE IS WORTH TWENTY OF HIM!!! URGH. It drives me insane. If he EVER lays a finger on her I swear I will kick his arse. She might not be able to take him on, but I fucking certainly can.


So Happy New Year everyone. Do whatever you can to make your life better; do not waste any of it for a second. Don't ever be afraid to say what you feel, or strive to get what you want.