Well so far you've learnt:

1. That I'm mental
2. I worry about the most tiniest of things
3. That I seemingly give my heart away to anyone, only this time, someone took up my offer hahaha
4. Im utterly terrified to talk about how I feel because I know how ridiculous it sounds to anyone else

I was going to get up and delete my previous comment today, I but I still feel the same. I'm so selfish and mental to even be upset about something I can't even change. A comment that was made in passing, not even to me, to my aunty after some wine at dinner last night. But then again, how would you interpret "3 1/2 years, but it would have been longer if I had had my way."

I feel so bad, I mean that poor boy has gone through so much, and I really just want him to have a nice life now, be happy and relaxed. I know how much he loved her and the life he was planning, and how awful it must have been for him. I am totally happy, and I was up until now, I don't know why I am getting so upset about something which is really nothing I can help. but he said himself shortly afterwards, or before I can't remember that it must be hard for Sue because maybe she feels liks second best, but I don't think my dad talks about Mum infront of her. Because it would just make her feel awful.

Once we talked about general relationship history, and how after alsorts of things happening he didn't want to jinx things, and I know thats fair enough.

I don't even know what I am writing about, or what I am trying to say. Am I worried that I feel more for him than he does for me and our relationship isn't an equal reciprocal one?

I know its not some kind of game, where the winner gets _____ nor am I looking for validation or something like that, and that saying he'll marry me I know I should be happy, which I am. But then I have to ask myself, why the hell am I moaning.