And relax

Not much to report, I stole two dodgy mugs from work for comedy purposes. They are those gay ones that change colour, but actually when you put in hot drinks their undies fade. But they are SOOOO badly made and really funny.

Also I pinched some stamps and sent Clare a cheerup package and some stuff to Lou. My ebay shirt arrived today. I think I like it.

Wrote my dad a massively long email. Joshua took me to lunch and it was awesome. We had a nice bath together and now are watching MST3K and I downloaded a Paul Anka album, and hes doing covers of stuff.

I also made myself angry by checking up on somethings on SG (after someone emailed me to alert me to it in the first place) and just annoyed myself. The bullshit some people say. I'm glad I left so they can be all annoying and fake like they were before. Now I am not hindering certain people and their bullshit they belief and spread. Heck, they can get back on their little throne that they had before and now they can try and build the bridges back that they burned and carry on theur little insular lives. I wish them all the best and hope that they are happy, because they sure as hell weren't before when I had to constantly pick up the pieces from various dramas. Im just so fucking angry with myself hat I even give a shit. That these people, or just one in particular can be so fucking easy and brush aside a lot of care and attention I showed them because I thought they were my friend. but now they are clawing back to get pally with people they pissed off or get back into groups they shunned themselves most likely because they are so fucking difficult and didn't get their own way or someone wound them up (nothing to do with me as far as I am concerned considering they had done some of this long before I was on the scene) and blaming their certain housemate for being an idiot. Well theres a chance its me or Joshua but either way I am annoyed because we both cared a lot for them. I'm so angry at myself for letting one person annoy me so much. Especially as I'm miles away and really busy with thigns here. Mainly cos I didn't to have any kind of conclusion or discussio with this person, and to be honest I don't know what I would say, and knowing them, they'd jsut ignore my email or not find it or make some excuse and say that they never got it if I questioned them, as I do know they are pretty busy and et a lot of mail. Urgh. I wish I could could stop giving a shit.

And I am off now to cool off and relaaaaaaaaaaaaaax.

Sometimes I feel I am emotionally going round in circles. And I don't really know quite how exactly to let go. I think its more than just a "I dont like people thinking bad of me" although that is true. Especially as i haven't actually done anything wrong. Least I don't think so and if I have, please someone tell me cos I haven't honestly got a clue. I'm not going to play the martyr, and complain about how people keep fucking em over and oh woe is me I cant't trust anyone and I have to stop waering my heart on my sleeve, I just would like people to try and give me the bit of respect that I try and show them and tell me directly when they have a problem with me, and letting me know where I supposedly fucked up. Cos otherwise, how am I ever gonna learn!?! Man I was totally not meant for SG. By the fact that I appear to be demonstrating that I have a conscience.

Man my lunch was awesome. And we *just* missed the pissing rain!