bleurgh

I feel a bit wierd. I feel like I am, I don't know. Like I lost my confidence. But like I never had it in the first place and I'm coming unravelled and bits of me are falling out, or soon enough I'll be standing in my old comfy grannie pants in the middle of town and everyone will be looking at me and pointing and laughing.

I feel like spending money and buying something nice. But I can't find anything in particular. In town today we bought a Creuset pot and a Nigell salt pig, some crab crackers, egg poachers and then I bought Joshua a big crab to eat. Some of it looked a bit funny, but the bits he did eat were supposedly nice.

In a way its good I live here now, as I look at the shipping or things like underwear or stuff on ebay and then rethink about if I actually want it and if I want to pay 15 quid just for a bra and knicker set.

I saw some really nice undies today in Marks, but then I couldn't find my size and the shop was really busy and then I saw a vesty basque thing, that would have been nice, and always looks nice on the generic shop dummies, but I've got one of those figures that would most likely oooze out of the bottom due to my rather large hip/waist area and for a rather tall girl, I have quite a short body underneath my boobs so things sit funny. (I imagine if I did get it, it'd be like putting an elastic band on a sausage.)

Well so far tonight we've had time two channels on TV. BBC1 and ITV. For some reason, Channel 4 and BB2 have had no signal. Ah island life. We are going to get Sky, as it seems quite cheap and me and Joshua can watch music tv and documentaries all geeky like. Joshua managed to get my P and P dvd out of the old DVD player... so we watched a bit. Joshua took the piss and finally saw the Darcy/lake/britches scene and thought it was rubbish, but I tried to explain it was the lead up to it that really sets it off, and then how Darcy goes a bit tormented/tried to not think about Elizabeth bu then bumps into her etc and that is to me what makes it execellent.

I made biscuit dough today. Simon and Mioiki were supposed to come round today but didn't, apparently they couldn't find it. I was expecting them to not bother, because I know what Mioiki is like, and frankly, she is like me. Home body. haha.


I want a vacuum cleaner. Apparently there is one in the storage room/loft we can use, but I am not sure which one we're allowed to use (theres two)

I think I've got another one of my mums traits I think: I'm in one of those moods where I want something nice but I don't know what it is...

bleurgh