Late night ramblings

So phase 2 completed, phase 3 started. I did a lot of ironing of my Dad's shirts and cleaned up the mess that happened since I got here. I remembered he has a a second fridge today and went to clear a lot of horrid old stuff out of there. I felt Christmassy enough to put a little bit of tinsel I found round the mantelpiece. It's subtle.

Addie is being a little punk tonight. It's half eleven and she's still awake. I wouldn't mind so much but I know full well she will be up at 2/3am as usual for more food. I feel like she coos and gurgles for everyone but me. I am sure its because she sees me all the time and like the new attention from people, but I think its because I don't give her the right kind of attention. I think maybe if I did have hours to spare I'd sit and coo at her all day long she'd chatter back to me, but I really don't. It's hardwork doing it all on your own and I think its more important I got her bottles ready, cleaned her, me fed us both, etc before I interact with her. Don't get me wrong, I do interact with her pretty much throughout the day, and we have a natter doing stuff and she listens to me sing badly at her, stuff like that, but I feel like I should be doing more. My Dad loves her, its really sweet. They have little moments where he talks at her and she grabs his finger really tight, and she doesn't mind him playing bass really loudly or watching Law and Order (we we do a lot here) again really loudly.

I know I haven't been here long, but I am a little disappointed with some of my friends. I guess its too much to ask that they go out of their way to see me and Addie, even though they were going on about it for ages (and kinda got my hopes up). I mean I know they have their shit going on, but I flew over 100 miles to get to the UK in the first place, and granted my Dad's house isn't the most central of locations, but the train takes about 45 mins to Cambridge. Why should I (well we) be the one to go to them all the time? They have no idea the logistical hassle it is to do so. I don't even have a car at the moment and getting Adelaide around on the various public transports here (when you aren't familiar with them) is a nightmare. They know that full well. The majority of them have come to Jersey maybe ONCE or not at all and I came back and forth as often as I could and tried to always make time to see them, even when it pissed other friends off for not making time for them as well. They are so flakey and selfish. I don't think they understand what having a baby does to your day and how important a routine is for the little one. Bunch of cunts. Jamie, my illustrator friend wanted to know when I was back and said they missed me and wanted to hang out, so I told them and said if they could make it up to see me fro London, then I'd be well grateful and anyone that could make it could stay over if necessary etc, and he said well that he was really busy so it looked unlikely. It now turns out he is spending Christmas in the area so we will probably be able to hang out on Boxing Day (the day after Christmas Day to you non Boxing Day types, its traditionally either a family or shopping orientated day) because it was suddenly convenient to him and he couldn't be bothered with the family stuff, way to make me and Adelaide feel like a last resort. I'm looking forward to seeing him. I hope we can arrange it. Well if he is too far away or messes me about on or nearer the day or I have to go out to him, he can get stuffed too. It's not like Adelaide, Patrick and I won't have loads of cool stuff to do together with my family anyways. If it wasn't for Lisa and my friend Ria I'd be really sad. Why can't people make the effort both ways? Why does it feel like its always onesided?

Tomorrow I am going out with my sister (common law marriage step sister but its easier just saying sister) and Addie to do some shopping in Cambridge. It'll be nice to have some company and to be out of the house. I'm going to Christmas shop and see what I can spend my vouchers on. I get paid tomorrow and the Christmas bonus letters went out. I am away so I don't know if I got one... I presume I did but I won't know what or how much until I see the letter, so I might wait to see what I got paid (if anything) and then call HR to ask them to break it down for me over the phone.

Not long now. I should cheer up a bit, after all I have things to look forward too.