I am so unbelievably fed up. I wish I had some real life friends close by I could talk too. It is pretty mind-numbing being at home all day with Adelaide on my own. I know I sound like a broken record, but there you go. My MIL is about, but for the most part she is asleep all morning and has been unwell (and the family stresses are affecting her) so is unable/unwilling to go out. I feel stupid for whining, because I am and should be grateful that they have us here, but of late I have been thinking that we'd be better off back in England. Which sounds even more stupid because things with me and Patrick are great, and we are a pretty tight family unit of three. But I go from 8am to 8pm at the house on my own whilst he is at work. He is so stressed with that as well, I should know better than to talk to him about stuff because I know it is the LAST thing he wants to hear when he comes in the house or before we go to sleep (and I usually burst or unravel) but the reality is, I don't have anyone else I can talk to in real life about things here.
A lot of my grips are related to our current living situation and the coming and goings of my in-laws, so I can't gripe to them about it. And they have so much on their collective plates at the moment, it doesn't seem right to dump on them. Today for instance, Shannon, Sam and Rusty are all home and I haven't ever felt more alone because the three of them are trying to sort some urgent stuff out, be it personally or together. Emo alert! Emo alert! And I offered, but no helped needed from me. Heck I don't even know what is going on truth be told. I feel like an outsider. I know it isn't intentional, but Shannon in particular is very private and wouldn't dream of actually asking me for help. I mean, even though she drives me potty and I generally I am pretty angry with her behaviour, I am not a bad person and would like to help where I could.
So instead I will have a pity party all by myself because I have no one to talk to about how lonely I am feeling and how useless it feels to be stuck in the house all day.
I've been looking at jobs and right now it is pretty frustrating because there are a ton of jobs out there I could do standing on my head, really well and I would be a shoe in for (not being big headed, I am stating this based on my qualifications and experience) yet I cannot get anywhere without a cold and I think Boston is therefore a bit too far away for me!
In other news I have a doctors appointment on Monday for some ongoing stomach problems that I have been having for a while now, and just seem to be getting worse and worse. I think if things were better at the house my stomach would probably be feeling a lot better. Not that everyone else is necessarily to blame, but you know what I mean.
Going to try and find something to eat that won't wreck my insides. Back soon with a smile I promise!
A lot of my grips are related to our current living situation and the coming and goings of my in-laws, so I can't gripe to them about it. And they have so much on their collective plates at the moment, it doesn't seem right to dump on them. Today for instance, Shannon, Sam and Rusty are all home and I haven't ever felt more alone because the three of them are trying to sort some urgent stuff out, be it personally or together. Emo alert! Emo alert! And I offered, but no helped needed from me. Heck I don't even know what is going on truth be told. I feel like an outsider. I know it isn't intentional, but Shannon in particular is very private and wouldn't dream of actually asking me for help. I mean, even though she drives me potty and I generally I am pretty angry with her behaviour, I am not a bad person and would like to help where I could.
So instead I will have a pity party all by myself because I have no one to talk to about how lonely I am feeling and how useless it feels to be stuck in the house all day.
I've been looking at jobs and right now it is pretty frustrating because there are a ton of jobs out there I could do standing on my head, really well and I would be a shoe in for (not being big headed, I am stating this based on my qualifications and experience) yet I cannot get anywhere without a cold and I think Boston is therefore a bit too far away for me!
In other news I have a doctors appointment on Monday for some ongoing stomach problems that I have been having for a while now, and just seem to be getting worse and worse. I think if things were better at the house my stomach would probably be feeling a lot better. Not that everyone else is necessarily to blame, but you know what I mean.
Going to try and find something to eat that won't wreck my insides. Back soon with a smile I promise!
5 comments:
Sounds like a really hard situation in many ways Alex but it WILL get better eventually. At least now you know you can stay and begin working gently towards getting somewhere, I hope things pick up soon.
With regards to nightmare stomachs, I was beside myself for 3 months, things were so, so bad but then I found this stuff http://www.bio-kult.com/ my cosuin recommended it and it changed my life. Really, it's expensive but even if you tried it for a month/2 months I think it would really help. I was skeptical but it's really worked.
This is sad to read. I know exactly how you feel about being on your own for most of the time with a little 'un.
Only the last few weeks, I have been down and frustrated with how things are.
I'm a bit like a yo-yo right now with it all but like Charley said, it will get better.
Personally, I think the age 2 stage for kids is probably the most demanding and hardest for us Mums.
Keep your chin up lady. You made it to the States so don't let this bad patch take you down.
I am made up you are a fellow Tarot card lover by the way. Can your Dad not send yours over? Get back into it if it helps :)
x
Hi dude, I know how you feel about living with the in laws, I managed 12 months of it last year and although they are lovely people you do feel a bit on your own sometimes. You miss your own space and way of doing things don't you.
It's lovely that you're finally with your fella though and the family is all together eh.
Hope the tummy troubles aren't too serious : (
Big hug x
What a tough fucking situation to be in, Alex. I can only imagine how hard it is being by yourself with Addie all day. Bob has been working late loads lately and so I've been in a similar situation, but I am very lucky to have toddler groups to take Pearl to during the week. You are so amazing for doing what you're doing. Soon you will be in your own family home and all this will be a distant memory. If you want somebody to talk to during the day we don't usually go anywhere after lunch UK time, so your mornings time I think, if you want to skype with the girls just holla!
xxx
All I do is whine! Sorry ladies and thanks for being there when I need to vent.
Post a Comment