So finally it rained today. Big ploppy rain. it threatened it for ages and finally it did. I think it represents my mood today. Wet and ploppy. Thankfully after I got home from my errands, which mostly involved going to the post office and dropping something off for Fed-Ex collection (nothing exciting I might add, just my husband's old phone which had to get replaced cos of some stupid fault thing). Addie and I went to Target... I bought some more diapers, some storage boxes and a 3lb bag of Haribo gold bears. yes 3lb. I would have bought a 5lb one from Amazon but I wanted it NOW and the one from Target worked out to be cheaper actually. I won't eat them all at once though, I'll ration them out honest!
The storage boxes were for Addie's Duplo which has now expanded into a full collection and doesn't fit into any of the boxes the sets come with. I like being organised and neat and somewhat obsessive compulsive about stuff. It is one of my personality traits that comes out just a little bit more when I am stressed or frustrated. I had a weird and somewhat stressful exchange with my sister in law the other night. Without going into it, I think she is a moron with no concern for herself. That on top of an already stressful household resulting in me picking up on every little bit of drama and setback (because I am here all the time witnessing it all first hand) trying my bestest to brush it off like water on a duck's back, has resulted in me being somewhat uptight this week. So to combat this, I bought the Haribo AND have spent a good portion of the morning and later on, this afternoon, "TETRIS-ing" the basement and tidying up.
I find it incredibly frustrating living in such a cluttered house; we're talking about the physical clutter now, not emotional. None of this clutter is mine. Addie has some stuff but boy, this house and particularly the basement and garage, and I desperately want to throw it all away, because I hate clutter. But obviously, I can't because none of it is mine, and it a family's memories down there, albeit covered in dust and surrounded by what appears to be 700 plastic forks and a a vacuum so old I don't think even an expert would know how to repair it. So I have Tetris'd it all neatly and tidied up. So you can get about down there now. Patrick wanted to get down there this weekend and try and clean some equipment... namely the old running machine. So I used this opportunity to move things around, put them on shelves properly (boxing up the awkward shaped things and stacking them correctly) and moving a futon frame, two full size panels of sheet rock, a chest of drawers, two table tops so that Patrick to actually GET to the machine in the first place and finally vacuuming the air out of some shrink wrap bags (the ones you can put duvets in and make them smaller so they fit into cupboards and stuff.
I feel a bit better for that. One day my inlaws will go downstairs and find that I have made it all disappear and it will be clean and dust free and nice and happy.
Patrick and I were looking at houses again yesterday. Realistically I think we'll be here for another year if I don't get a job. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LET ME GET A JOB. I HATE NOT WORKING AND ALTHOUGH I KNOW DEEP DOWN I AM NOT, I FEEL LIKE A SECOND CLASS CITIZEN. I miss having my own money to spend and not having to ask Patrick to put some money into the joint account in case I see something when I am out and about to get. Well, I don't really go out shopping all that often, but I miss seeing something that I like, not just need, and getting it. Like a cardigan or a something. Anything. Fish and chips. not that there is a fish and chip shop here but you get my drift. I remember picking Addie up from the childminders in Jersey and going for a wander through town and how we'd look at stuff together or I'd get something for her, or for me. Not that Patrick is Scrooge or anything like that, god know. It is just hard for me from having been fiercely independent to how things are now, having to rely on someone. I should just get over this, but I can't seem to do so, so it is all my fault.
Haribo time now.
The storage boxes were for Addie's Duplo which has now expanded into a full collection and doesn't fit into any of the boxes the sets come with. I like being organised and neat and somewhat obsessive compulsive about stuff. It is one of my personality traits that comes out just a little bit more when I am stressed or frustrated. I had a weird and somewhat stressful exchange with my sister in law the other night. Without going into it, I think she is a moron with no concern for herself. That on top of an already stressful household resulting in me picking up on every little bit of drama and setback (because I am here all the time witnessing it all first hand) trying my bestest to brush it off like water on a duck's back, has resulted in me being somewhat uptight this week. So to combat this, I bought the Haribo AND have spent a good portion of the morning and later on, this afternoon, "TETRIS-ing" the basement and tidying up.
I find it incredibly frustrating living in such a cluttered house; we're talking about the physical clutter now, not emotional. None of this clutter is mine. Addie has some stuff but boy, this house and particularly the basement and garage, and I desperately want to throw it all away, because I hate clutter. But obviously, I can't because none of it is mine, and it a family's memories down there, albeit covered in dust and surrounded by what appears to be 700 plastic forks and a a vacuum so old I don't think even an expert would know how to repair it. So I have Tetris'd it all neatly and tidied up. So you can get about down there now. Patrick wanted to get down there this weekend and try and clean some equipment... namely the old running machine. So I used this opportunity to move things around, put them on shelves properly (boxing up the awkward shaped things and stacking them correctly) and moving a futon frame, two full size panels of sheet rock, a chest of drawers, two table tops so that Patrick to actually GET to the machine in the first place and finally vacuuming the air out of some shrink wrap bags (the ones you can put duvets in and make them smaller so they fit into cupboards and stuff.
I feel a bit better for that. One day my inlaws will go downstairs and find that I have made it all disappear and it will be clean and dust free and nice and happy.
Patrick and I were looking at houses again yesterday. Realistically I think we'll be here for another year if I don't get a job. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LET ME GET A JOB. I HATE NOT WORKING AND ALTHOUGH I KNOW DEEP DOWN I AM NOT, I FEEL LIKE A SECOND CLASS CITIZEN. I miss having my own money to spend and not having to ask Patrick to put some money into the joint account in case I see something when I am out and about to get. Well, I don't really go out shopping all that often, but I miss seeing something that I like, not just need, and getting it. Like a cardigan or a something. Anything. Fish and chips. not that there is a fish and chip shop here but you get my drift. I remember picking Addie up from the childminders in Jersey and going for a wander through town and how we'd look at stuff together or I'd get something for her, or for me. Not that Patrick is Scrooge or anything like that, god know. It is just hard for me from having been fiercely independent to how things are now, having to rely on someone. I should just get over this, but I can't seem to do so, so it is all my fault.
Haribo time now.
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