Those new iPhone 4 adverts

Are fucking AWFUL.

Oh he is tearing up! Oh how monumental! (/sarcasm) I must get an iPhone and video phone with my Dad! If that was real, it would have taken atleast 30 attempts to get through to the old guy, because AT&T's coverage is SHITE and then the old geezer would have hung up or not figured out how to use the thing. My Dad and my Mother in law are not even as old as that guy, my MIL is going to be 50 this year and she can't even send a text without it being a huge effort. My Dad, who I see atleast once a year (who lives in another country) used to get me to put all his contacts in his phone "because he just couldn't be arsed/bothered/learn to do it". Don't even get me started about texting. Video conferencing? On a phone? Are you mad? It took ME buying the webcam, giving him a month long tutorial before I moved to the States, written instructions, my brother on hand, and its still pretty sporadic. AT BEST when I do get to Skype with him he looks like a terrorist in a whole in Afghanistan making a broadcast to Al Jazeera and spends a good 10 minutes shouting "CAN YOU HEAR ME MOTHER! CAN YOU HEAR ME MOTHER?" in a stupid voice whilst I have a blurry close up of his hairy nostrils or the ceiling and office lamp shade.

"You know that thing we've been working on for a while now?" What? Trying to get him to last more than 5 minutes in the sack? Marriage counseling? Finishing the basement? I like how right at the end if you haven't already figured it out, she says it "You're going to be a dad".... ITS OKAY WE GET IT. Maybe you can broadcast your birth over your iPhone for all your macrobiotic hummus eating environmentally friendly chums to really be there with you in the birth pool. Oh wait? Are they waterproof? Make sure you don't hold it funny otherwise you'll get disconnected. Maybe you could call the baby Steve Jobs.

So contrived and awkward. It makes me want to punch iPhone people. I mean really, I was in the Apple store with my good friend Kristina only Wednesday and we had to go in because her phone was being shit. Yes, who would have thought it, an iPhone 4 being shit. Well, we had to wait at the Genius Bar after making an appointment, even though there were tons of people sitting around not working. And the staff were *those* kind of people that I hate. Arty fags that think they are the dogs bollocks since they have a Macbook Pro and listen to lame music and shop at Urban Outfitters and... sit at Starbucks on said Macbooks all day working on their pathethic screen plays or AIMing with other idiot... well I could be here all day.

And I am a long established Apple user! I've never had a PC! I had a few mac classics before I got a big candy iMac years ago. I've had a few iPods. Am I supposed to fall for that schmaltz? Oh fuck... am I that target demographic? (I don't think so because I am far too poor now.)

In other news, I really want a Greggs sausage roll. Maybe a bag of 12 of the smaller ones, that you can eat in a bite. I can't wait for Patrick to try a proper British sausage roll. I tried to explain that most sausage rolls are terrible but sometimes... just sometimes... you find the most amazing sausage roll ever. When they are bad they are disgusting, but when they are good, it is the greatest thing you ever ate.

I also want a choco dip so badly. Maybe we might have to make a trip to the British shop soon...