Just great

I'm waiting for the car man to come, if he ever does.

I didn't get the job at the lawyers. I know it was out of my league really. I mean, it was a really really smart firm. Huge. It would have been a really good opportunity for me I know but I don't blame them for not taking me on. If they are as busy as they seem then thats fair enough. I certainly don't want to been seen as a liability or a risk for them. I don't have any legal secretary experience, which is an obvious hurdle.

I don't seem to have enough experience for anything to be honest. It feels like I'm only temping because they can't get anyone else. I might be in the agencies crud pile or something. Maybe I have gotten the work I have because people are desperate and although it is not ideal, "what is the harm in having Alex for a few days to hold the fort?"

I know I am capable of so much. I want to get my teeth into something and really make it my own. I don't want to be sent to assignments where I am twiddling my thumbs because people don't give me work. Maybe they are too busy, or don't trust me I don't know.

I don't understand a world in where people like me WANT to work and WANT a job, but can't seem to find one suitable.

I don't know where I am going wrong, other than I don't have enough specific area experience or the 5 years residency (which is a hurdle yes)or maybe I don't look good enough.

I want to work, I really really do! I don't know anyone with more enthusiasm than me! I'm not too over the top either, the (FEW TINY AMOUNT OF) interviews I have had already people seem to like me. And I don't go all scruffy and wear trainers and have my tattoos out. I'm not that stupid.

I know this is all just delayed car reaction plus hormones plus general job frustratedness and that I shouldn't let it get me down. But I do now, as I am twiddling my thumbs at work. I should be lucky I know that I can do that on the job, and be grateful its quiet and I am getting paid for it. Afterall, I could be jobless on Monday without a new assignment. Then how the fuck am I going to fix that car.