The family and I just wanted Gentlemen Broncos, which is absolutely bloody genius and I throughly recommend that everyone reading this watches it!
In other news I have my endoscopy tomorrow. I am nil by mouth in about half an hour, but had a good dinner. Yours truly made a toad in the hole, as requested by everyone in the house, with a whopping 48 sausages in it. Some of them were maple ones by mistake, but never mind, it was still lovely, served up with some gravy and broccoli and carrots.
Last few days I've been in a terrible rage, angry at a lot of things, mostly my lack of a job and getting the run around by the DMV. Turns out after speaking with them today I DO have take the test all again, which is no biggie but somewhat of a hassle because I should really do this before I get a job. Not that I have had much luck since applying to a ton of stuff, but there you go. If we lived closer to Boston NOW I am 100% certain I could get a job in a heartbeat, but alas no we are slightly too far away for a commute, and all my skillz are not good enough for the majority of New England because I am a Johnny Foreigner. nor do I really understand how much I am worth to an employer here because I have no gage on salaries in the area or 'local' experience. Typical. I feel like I've taken a huge step back in everything; money, independence, the lot. It sounds pretty pathetic, but I feel pretty pathetic. And now certain sort of relatives are out and about finally going for interviews and seem to be doing really well. It doesn't fill you with confidence when someone you hate and know has as much going for them as a waste paper basket seems to be doing better than you. Wow, I sound bitter don't I. I probably am. Honestly I want to just go home and throw in the towel. As soon as Patrick goes to work I am miserable. I love everything Patrick's family has done for us and me. I love Rusty but I am sick of seeing her every day and not having anyone to talk too. I am sick of my sister in law never even having a proper conversation with me... and I am desperate for someone else to talk too but she just doesn't seem to give a fuck because shes too wrapped up in whatever she has going on. I was not meant to be a stay at home mum. I feel like I've been on the scrap heap. I mean, I know I haven't but I worry that if I leave it too long I'll have forgotten everything I ever learnt in a professional capacity. I love Adelaide but right now I hate her guts. I honestly think that sometimes, she does things to spite me. In fact, a lot of the time, I don't love her. I have to remind myself that I do sometimes. Maybe if I say it enough I will. I don't resent her as such, I mean sacrifices have to be made when you have kids but I feel like I gave up so much. When we have more kids it'll be different I know, because right now things aren't how they are supposed to be, and I'll be in it then, up to my neck in kids and will have completely given up on any kind of career or life outside of being a mum.
It probably doesn't help that I am over tired, which really puts everything under a microscope... yesterday we had crazy hot weather... 31˚C and the night it was well into the twenties. Our room was boiling! I had to change the pillow cases this morning. We had the window open and the fan going, but it was still a furnace. And I am a comforter (thats a duvet in the UK) girl almost all year round, but I couldn't handle anything last night. It doesn't help that Patrick, Adelaide and I are raging heat transmitters either. So basically I think because of the heat, and the cold and the teeth, Addie was up a whole bunch of times. She was up for a feed around three, which I almost slept though and Patrick had to deal with, but then around 4 she was up again! Starving and thirsty as hell. I went to pick her up and she started screaming "YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!" at me. Mad thing. I changed her nappy in the dark (which was easy as she was PJ less on her bottom half) which was impressive because I was half dead. Patrick somehow managed to get up for work and went, leaving us to sleep in a bit until about 8.30am. I spent most of today trying not to strangle her or shake her to death every time she ignored me or got in a pissy mood when she didn't get her own way, threw all her food everywhere and then ate her crayons and felt tip pens.
Mother of the year everyone! Mother of the year!
In other news I have my endoscopy tomorrow. I am nil by mouth in about half an hour, but had a good dinner. Yours truly made a toad in the hole, as requested by everyone in the house, with a whopping 48 sausages in it. Some of them were maple ones by mistake, but never mind, it was still lovely, served up with some gravy and broccoli and carrots.
Last few days I've been in a terrible rage, angry at a lot of things, mostly my lack of a job and getting the run around by the DMV. Turns out after speaking with them today I DO have take the test all again, which is no biggie but somewhat of a hassle because I should really do this before I get a job. Not that I have had much luck since applying to a ton of stuff, but there you go. If we lived closer to Boston NOW I am 100% certain I could get a job in a heartbeat, but alas no we are slightly too far away for a commute, and all my skillz are not good enough for the majority of New England because I am a Johnny Foreigner. nor do I really understand how much I am worth to an employer here because I have no gage on salaries in the area or 'local' experience. Typical. I feel like I've taken a huge step back in everything; money, independence, the lot. It sounds pretty pathetic, but I feel pretty pathetic. And now certain sort of relatives are out and about finally going for interviews and seem to be doing really well. It doesn't fill you with confidence when someone you hate and know has as much going for them as a waste paper basket seems to be doing better than you. Wow, I sound bitter don't I. I probably am. Honestly I want to just go home and throw in the towel. As soon as Patrick goes to work I am miserable. I love everything Patrick's family has done for us and me. I love Rusty but I am sick of seeing her every day and not having anyone to talk too. I am sick of my sister in law never even having a proper conversation with me... and I am desperate for someone else to talk too but she just doesn't seem to give a fuck because shes too wrapped up in whatever she has going on. I was not meant to be a stay at home mum. I feel like I've been on the scrap heap. I mean, I know I haven't but I worry that if I leave it too long I'll have forgotten everything I ever learnt in a professional capacity. I love Adelaide but right now I hate her guts. I honestly think that sometimes, she does things to spite me. In fact, a lot of the time, I don't love her. I have to remind myself that I do sometimes. Maybe if I say it enough I will. I don't resent her as such, I mean sacrifices have to be made when you have kids but I feel like I gave up so much. When we have more kids it'll be different I know, because right now things aren't how they are supposed to be, and I'll be in it then, up to my neck in kids and will have completely given up on any kind of career or life outside of being a mum.
It probably doesn't help that I am over tired, which really puts everything under a microscope... yesterday we had crazy hot weather... 31˚C and the night it was well into the twenties. Our room was boiling! I had to change the pillow cases this morning. We had the window open and the fan going, but it was still a furnace. And I am a comforter (thats a duvet in the UK) girl almost all year round, but I couldn't handle anything last night. It doesn't help that Patrick, Adelaide and I are raging heat transmitters either. So basically I think because of the heat, and the cold and the teeth, Addie was up a whole bunch of times. She was up for a feed around three, which I almost slept though and Patrick had to deal with, but then around 4 she was up again! Starving and thirsty as hell. I went to pick her up and she started screaming "YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!" at me. Mad thing. I changed her nappy in the dark (which was easy as she was PJ less on her bottom half) which was impressive because I was half dead. Patrick somehow managed to get up for work and went, leaving us to sleep in a bit until about 8.30am. I spent most of today trying not to strangle her or shake her to death every time she ignored me or got in a pissy mood when she didn't get her own way, threw all her food everywhere and then ate her crayons and felt tip pens.
Mother of the year everyone! Mother of the year!
1 comment:
I hope things look up soon lovely. You will get a fab job, I know it!
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